I have despised you for as long as I can remember. People wonder why I act so mean and hostile towards you. I get it. I know I come across as a bitch sometimes. But what these people don’t know is that there are reasons behind all this that only I know and God knows. I don’t do this to act out, I’m pretty rational.
It all stems down to my childhood. You were not a father. I honestly don’t have much fond memories of you, maybe 4? The rest is just physical and emotional abuse that just puts you in a negative light. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for the way you treated my mother in the past. I saw and heard so much things that, it is inscribed in my head.
I wanted to have a decent relationship with you. I tried. But every time I give you a chance, you blow it a week later. It’s to the point that I don’t even care anymore. It’s a waste of time and makes me feel even more pathetic that I gave you the benefit of the doubt. It’s frustrating because I don’t want it to be like this forever, but at the same time I’m sick of trying. It’s been years and still no progress. It’s very hard to please someone when that person is the root to all your problems. The emotional and mental abuse is just too much. I know thats not love. i know i deserve better. I don’t hate you. I just don’t love you or respect you. I never have in the past and I most likely won’t in the future.